by Robert J. Young
Steve Higginbotham recently shared some ideas entitled "How To Kill A Preacher," subtitled "On The Lighter Side--I Hope." I share his list with two additional lists.
How To Kill Your Preacher
- Say a few healthy "amen's" during his sermon. This will set him on fire and he'll preach himself to death and you'll be rid of him.
- Brag on him and he'll work himself to death and you will be rid of him.
- Love each other and this will please him to death and you will be rid of him.
- Ask him to give you the name of some unsaved person to win to Christ, and this will surprise him to death and you will be rid of him.
- Let every member be Spirit-filled and this will make him so happy that he will rejoice himself to death and you will be rid of him.
- Ask him to give you a Sunday school class to teach and this will encourage him to death, and you will be rid of him.
- Go to church on Sunday and Wednesday night and this will shock him to death and you will be rid of him.
- Ask prayer for an enemy and this will overwhelm him completely and he will die from a heart attack and you will be rid of him.
- Pray for him while he preaches and he will get better, and some larger church will take him off your hands, and you will be rid of him.
By doing these things, you will not be violating the Scriptures and you will be able to get rid of your preacher.
How To Lose Your Preacher
- Say a few healthy "amen's" during his sermon. This will set him on fire and he'll preach so well that someone else will come along and hire him, and you'll lose him.
- Brag on him and others will learn how capable he is, and you will lose him.
- Love each other and others will notice how much love he encourages, and you will lose him.
- Ask him to give you the name of some unsaved person to win to Christ, and he will rekindle such an evangelistic heart that someone else will want to hire him, and you will lose him.
- Let every member be Spirit-filled and others will be impressed by his spirituality, and you will lose him.
- Ask him to give you a Sunday school class to teach and others will be impressed with his skills in using volunteers, and you will lose him.
- Go to church on Sunday and Wednesday night and others will note how much commitment he instills in a church, and you will lose him.
- Ask prayer for an enemy and this will overwhelm him completely in a renewed prayer life, others will observe, and you will lose him.
- Pray for him while he preaches and he will get better, and some larger church will take him off your hands, and you will lose him.
By doing these things, you will not be violating the Scriptures and you will be able to lose your preacher.
How To Help Your Preacher
- Say a few healthy "amen's" during his sermon. This will set him on fire and he'll preach better and better.
- Brag on him and he'll work harder and harder.
- Love each other and he'll love too.
- Ask him to give you the name of some unsaved person to win to Christ, and he'll become more active in reaching the unsaved too.
- Let every member be Spirit-filled and he will depend upon that same Spirit in building the church.
- Ask him to give you a Sunday school class to teach and he will have more time to do his work.
- Go to church on Sunday and Wednesday night and this will encourage him.
- Ask prayer for an enemy and he will pray more.
- Pray for him while he preaches and he will get better.
By doing these things, you will not be violating the Scriptures and you will be able to help your preacher as you work together to build a strong congregation for the Lord.
Copyright 2002, Robert J. Young
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